Things I hate

• Hidden referral links. Don’t try to be tricky with your links and pretend it’s just your average let-me-show-you-something-link when you actually profit from every click. I refuse to be bamboozled and will hover over your damn link and see your referral in the URL and if I want to actually go to the site I will DELETE THE REFERRAL PORTION
• Surveys and evaluations. Every goddamn class in medical school asks for evaluations at the end of the course, sometimes even after every session. This was also true in college, but I have never been literally CORNERED by administration to turn in evaluations or threatened with a failing grade if I don’t fill them out. While I appreciate that you appreciate my feedback, I will rarely write any comments that will be of use. At most, I’ll haphazardly circle some numbers from 1 to 5. Does that help you?
• Wasting time and then getting so mad at myself that I end up wasting more time. This didn’t happen so much as a college student so maybe I’m extraordinarily high strung in med school, but when I waste time doing useless, counterproductive things, I want to do violent things to myself out of pure anger and frustration. Then I’m rendered completely incapable of doing anything productive because I’m blind with anger. It is a vicious cycle.
• Wasteful people (in a material sense). Why is it necessary to use atrociously excessive amounts of toilet paper, paper towels, plastic zip lock bags, etc like it ain’t no thang? Why do people buy so much food when they end up throwing most of it away? Maybe, MAYBE I’m just stingy but it doesn’t matter how much money you have — there is absolutely no reason to be throwing all this into landfills and wasting money that can be better spent on other things.

</rant>

<studying>

This morning, when I got out of bed, my right leg was completely unresponsive and I fell over and ate shit. Thanks to my neuroscience course, I immediately started thinking of limb ataxia and started wondering if I’d somehow fucked up my cerebellum overnight. Then I remembered that I tend to have the nasty and unfortunately unconscious habit of acting as some sort of contortionist while I sleep and end up obstructing all blood flow to my leg, and it probably didn’t help that I slept for over 10 glorious hours last night. At that point I still couldn’t move my right leg, so I hoisted myself back to bed with both arms and my remaining leg to wait.

At first I was excited

And now I want to headdesk rull bad. I don’t want answers, but this is one of five cases I’ve been working on:

- 29 y/o woman developed left neck pain after “whiplash” injury
- Sudden onset of vertigo
- Loss of pain/temp sense on left face and right body
- Normal touch, vibration, pressure sense over body and face
- No left corneal reflex, but right reflex intact
- Normal strength and reflexes in limbs
- Left arm movements clumsy and uncoordinated
- Hoarse voice
- Base of uvula deviated to right
- Left pupil constricted and slight ptosis
- No double vision
- Tongue strong
- Normal facial muscle strength 

The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

My dad sent me this in an email today.

Artery…………………………..The study of paintings.
Bacteria…………………………Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium………………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………………….What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…………….A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………………….Searching for kitty.
Cauterize……………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………………….A sheep dog.
Coma……………………………A punctuation mark.
D & C……………………………Where Washington is.
Dilate……………………………To live long.
Enema…………………………..Not a friend.
Fester……………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula……………………………A small lie.
Genital…………………………..Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………………….World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…………………………What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………………………Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff……………………A doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates………………………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………………..I knew it.
Outpatient……………………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear………………………A fatherhood test.
Pelvis……………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…………………..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…………………Place to do upholstery.
Rectum……………………………Darn near killed him.
Secretion…………………………Hiding something.
Seizure…………………………..Roman emperor.
Tablet……………………………A small table.
Terminal Illness…………………Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………………….More than one.
Urine…………………………….Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose………………………….Near by / close by.

Not to sound like an overly self-diagnosing medical student, but today we were learning about depression and anxiety and I’m pretty sure I have General Anxiety Disorder.